Steelers
Cheerleaders Tour Cable’s Rancho C-3PO
Secura’s
Shocking Tale of Sexual Harassment in
Jedi Temple
Jabba
Eats Crumb, PETA Sues
Holiday
Special Jokes No Longer As Funny
Free
Full Size Figures Included with $7
Mini-figs
Fighters to fly w/o shields to save gas.
Anakin leaves Padme for Twi’Lek Dancer
Empire announces “eco-friendly” Death Star
CC.com to Vote off Staff Members to Boost Ratings
Kotobukiya to Produce Candy Corn Troopers
Severed Finger Found in Blister Pack
FCC Demands Snootles Wear a Top
Hasbro Announces Kwanzaa Ornaments: Lando, Panaka, Jar-jar
Lucas to Begin Prequel Special Editions
Paint-Your-Own-Stupid-Clone Sets Due in 2006
Hasbro Offers POTF Trade-in Deals for Saga Resculpts
1:3 Collectors Cannot Identify Last Figure Purchased
Pilots Prefer MP3-Compatible R2-Units
Yoda’s Hut Sells for 1.3 Million Credits
Sarlaacs on Endangered Species List
Fan Trapped in Home-made Vader Costume One-Week after
Halloween
Several Normal-Looking Women Enter RS Costume Contest
Man Loses Thumb Playing BF2
Droids Demand Defrag Leave
Doctors Unveil ROTS-Edition Pacemaker
Woman
weds
Droid
Mon Mothma to propose red planet/blue planet political map
Ewok-Wookiee offspring dubbed "Ewoookkiee"
Eight-year
olds maul
collector in Target parking lot.
Actual girl rumored
in TRU Star Wars aisle.
Droopy McCool quits
band after MoveOn.org gig.
Fan abandons date at
theater to blog on ROTS teaser.
FX-7
discovers new adhesive treatment for decapitated
figs.
Kenobi
endures three-hour surgery to extract peg
from foot.
Missing accessories on the rise.
Celebration III canceled – being a geek is
now too cool.
Holiday Special DVDs explode in players.
G.I. Joe infiltrates Star Wars shelf.
Galactic Heroes’ scores drop on SATs.
3:5 Saga figures suffer from peg-warmer syndrome.
COMMTECH Han retires.
POTF3 to feature removable clothes/ correct
anatomy.
Palpatine
admits “Confused by my own plot.”
VOTC
Han requires knee surgery.
Man starves after trying to lift fork with his
mind.
Drinking Mt. Dew reduces midichlorian count.
Aayla Secura’s tentacles are fake!
Jawas protest Empire’s No-Droid-Left-Behind
program.
2:3
Ewoks have fleas.
FCC
bans footage of XXX Wing Fighter.
Jawas start online auctions
Vintage figs now “antique”; POTF2 figs
now “vintage”
Wives of Collectors Support Group opens
“Gen. Grievous” renames self “Gen.
Happyface”
Lucas dares man’s five-year-old to write better script
Man
collects E3 actors half-eaten donuts
Darth
Tater not made from real potatoes
Lucas
abandons script for fanfic
Ewoks
replaced with internet-ready droid Iwoks.
Space
Slugs no longer endangered.
Man
leaves entire collection to his dog
Collector
tries to buy Carrie Fisher
Tattooine
exports sand to stave
beach erosion
Target
Exclusive Vader with REAL lava
Nerd
dies arguing SW not sci-fi
Unleashed line now fun-sized
WOTC to release new
12” miniatures
Hasbro proposes new “disposable” figures
CN’s CW Replace TPM and ATOC as Episodes I and II
Scientists discover “Death Star-like” Moon
Clone Sues over Identity Theft
Fett Opens Online Bounty Hunter Academy
“Star Wars Babies” Cartoon to Air this Fall
Boy Shows too much Interest in Chick-Figs
Man Regrets Jar-jar Tattoo
Empire Permits Gambling on Tusken Reservations
Pegs Go Cold; Collectors Morale Sinks
Collector Forgets to Check Toy Aisle in Target
Cyborg Technology Encourages Poor Fire Safety
Bootleg Figures Prove Cooler than Licensed Products
73% of Girlfriends Fake Liking Star Wars