TATOOINE LUKE TATTLES!
Exclusive tell-all interview!
After nearly ten years of silence, Tatooine Luke Skywalker has finally decided to speak up about a dark secret that was eating away at him. After publicly revealing that he was in fact abusing steroids in the mid-nineties, he agreed to an exclusive interview with Actin' Figure News writer Gary Longsnoot.
G: Let me first just say that I applaud you for your courage, Luke. But what made you come out about this problem after so many years? L: I really thought about it before, when the whole creatine debate became popular in the sports arena with McGuire and Sosa back in 2001, you know. But, you know, with George making the last of his prequel movies this year, I thought this would be the time to talk. A whole new young generation of fans would be listening, and I wanted them to hear my message, you know? And, of course, my therapist told me I needed to unburden myself. G: I didn't realize you were receiving psychotherapy. Did you start to see your therapist during rehabilitation? L: Oh, no. I've been seeing her since 1985. You know, I had a hard time adjusting once kids started to move on to other big name franchises like G.I. Joe and Transformers. |
Luke, Han, and Chewie in 1995, sporting the popular buff action figure look. | |
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G: And did those other toys influence your drug habits? L: Not in the eighties, no. I mean, G.I. Joe had a pretty unimpressive build...and nobody was going to seriously compete with the He-Man body type. But the nineties were definitely getting bigger and meaner in a lot of other areas, like the new boom in professional wrestling, you know? And there were all those...what were they calling it..."Extreme" lines were hot for a while. I think we came back just at the tail end of that. G: So would you say market competition was the real cause of the steroid abuse? L: As an action figure, there's, you know, just a lot of pressure not only to be able to perform, but to look good. So many people just want to put us on display, you know. They set us up so high and expect us never to fall down, or they expect us to live in air-tight containers and never yellow. We thought they wanted eye candy, not gritty realism. That's definitely changed now with the retro movement peaking, you know? | |
Tattoine Luke was a familiar face at the Bangkok night club scene in 1997.
In July, 1998, Tattoine Luke was served a civil lawsuit after starting a brawl in a popular Las Vegas casino.
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G: Did the drugs ever get in the way of your personal life? L: Sure. G: In what ways? L: You know...personal ways. G: Like what personal ways? L: Well...they are personal... G: Are you thinking about the broken relationships that are littering your past? L: Uhm... G: The affairs? The trips to Bangkok? L: I really just want to stick to the topic, Gary. You know? G: No, I don't know. What about the jail time you did after the fight in Las Vegas? Were the steroids making you paranoid at all? L: Again, that's, you know, personal... G: I see...well, you've told us a lot about your own struggles, but how widespread was the problem? L: I'm just here to speak for myself, Gary. You know, one man can't tell another man's story. But let me just say, a lot of us fell into it, Han, Lando, you know. I mean, there was Chewie, too. Well, I mean, he's always said it was just creatine, even then. He's bigger with the younger fans, you know. He had to keep a reputation. But, you know, it's not just a problem for action figures. Not many people realize this, but for years, the My Little Pony ranch has been injecting hormones to breed bigger livestock. People don't think about the darker side behind making these toys look the way they do. | |
G: What do you think people can do about it? L: People should make their voices heard, you know. Start grassroots letter campaigns and lobbies to congressional representatives and the corporate execs - apply some pressure to let them know you want tighter regulations. Demand some accountability for what goes on with us action figures. And, you know, putting your money where your mouth helps, too. G: Do you have any advice for aspiring action figures? L: Just be yourself, you know. Don't let them mold you into what they think people want. Sincerity sells. It's a lesson I learned too late. G: Too true. I hope our readers take this message to heart. Thank you, Luke. L: Thank you, Gary, for letting me tell my story. |
Nowadays, Luke enjoys spending more time on one of his favorite hobbies, building custom speederbikes for the popular Hover Hogs cable television program airing on TLC.
As part of his rehabilation exercises, Tattoine Luke
also frequently entertains local |
